Day in the life of a SAHM

It was 8pm.

Both children were still wide awake.

I was only just keeping my eyes open.

The day had been so long. With one sick, and the other one having to stay inside all day because it was raining.

My youngest had been on my person since the night prior.

My eldest was frequently on my case to do something because she was “bored” most of the time.

I’d tried to get them to bed early on my own.

That did not work.

Some nights it does. But not tonight.

I decided while they were still awake, I’d start cleaning up so I would have more time to myself once they finally did go down.

The toys were tipped out of the box almost immediately after I’d put them away.

Milk was spilt on the floor.

I couldn’t find the bottle.

I’d snapped at the puppy. She’d dragged clumps of dirt through the house. And it wasn’t the first time.

I was getting short with them for having fun so late, and then feeling guilty for the same.

I could feel my temper bubbling at the surface, waiting for something completely minute to set me over.

I held it in. I was holding onto so much, on very little. Like we all do.

I just needed them to go to bed.

And then my husband walked through the door.

The children raced to him, leaving me a grumpy wound-up lump on the floor.

They were so excited to see him.

I was excited he was home too,

But for mostly different reasons.

And that right there was the minute detail.

It set me off.

I escaped to my room and sobbed out the bits I needed to.

And this is a summary of what I later told my husband:

They push me more than you, and it’s so hard.

They get bored of me because they see me all day.

You come home and see them happy, and it probably makes it hard to believe I did have a hard day. It was a hard day.

It can be difficult to enjoy them as fully as I’d like on days like this. And then I feel so guilty for not. I love them so much.

He rubbed my thigh, and said a number of things,

But what I mostly remember him saying was “I know”, and “It must be so hard”,

Because that was all I needed to hear.