Everything

I can’t leave the room without you crying for me. As soon as I’m out of sight, your heart hurts. It worries I won’t come back.

I tell you I’ll only be a minute. I need longer sometimes. But I don’t take it. I pick you up and we do it together. It takes longer. It’s harder. But I choose it because it’s easier on my heart.

⠀

I can’t put you down at night without you needing me later. You search for my skin. I wake immediately to the slightest of whispers. Perhaps it’s because we’re still as one. I like to think of it that way. I drag myself out of bed on autopilot, search for my robe, then your tiny body. I hold you close, as the tired holds onto me. You rest there, and I rest knowing I’m still your safe place.

⠀

I can’t put you down for more than a few minutes without you begging me to carry you. You don’t like feeling like you’re missing out. You want to see things from my level. You want to know that I’m still your legs, arms, and priority.

It can be hard on me, but it’s easy to forget how much you need me right now.

So I remind myself. I carry you. And we carry on being each other’s priority.

⠀

I can’t shower each morning without you wanting to get in with me. I shower you with toys on the bathroom floor, but I’m not close enough. You want in too. You try to open the doors, and plead with me to let you in. I turn off the tap, shampoo still not rinsed out and legs half-shaven. You smile as I pick you up with barely a towel covering me, wet foot prints on the carpet left in a trail behind us.

All you want is me to shower you with my love, time, and care.

⠀

I can’t do a single thing without you crawling all over me. And often I feel so touched out. So out of touch with myself. I can feel suffocated by being needed so intensely. But as we pace the hallway looking at photos of the smaller you, I’m reminded that this intensity won’t last. It will fade too quickly. And all we’ll have are frames filled with memories of how I wore you for years, and how you were the only outfit that aged, but was timeless.

⠀

I can’t do much without needing to be your everything right now.

But it’s ok,

Because being that is everything to me too.