The life jacket carrying life

Worry,⠀
Before any test;⠀
Before any scan;⠀
Before you hear a heartbeat;⠀
Before you sense any movement;⠀
Before you feel any growth from within. ⠀

You hope for the best and try to remain optimistic but until you get there, until you can see it and believe it, you are worried about what may not be. ⠀ ⠀

And when you get there, you feel relief. ⠀ ⠀ Relief,⠀
When you see the two lines;⠀
When you see movement on the screen;⠀ When you hear a heartbeat;⠀
When you sense a flutter;⠀
When you feel a kick.⠀ ⠀

And when you get there, you feel excitement.⠀ ⠀
Excitement,⠀
When you know that you can get pregnant again;⠀
When you know they are viable;⠀
When you know they are healthy;⠀
When you know they are developing;⠀
When you know things are as they should be.

This is what pregnancy after miscarriage can feel like.⠀ Worry, relief, excitement. ⠀
On repeat and in that order. ⠀ ⠀

In this season the emotions of relief and excitement don’t always last long because the cycle keeps turning, but each breeds a deep gratitude for what you have, what could be, and what others may not be so lucky to experience. ⠀ They give you the reassurance, confidence and strength that you need to quash the worrisome feelings that continuously meddle, even just for a moment. And that’s enough. ⠀ ⠀

It’s a different kind of pregnancy this sort.⠀It’s not any less amazing, less special or less beautiful, but your past experience demands a self protection of sorts, a coat of armour, a life jacket if you will. ⠀
And you are more than happy to wear it, for that extra weight and hassle you carry throughout is worth every ounce of the relief, excitement and gratitude that you know will follow when you can take off the life jacket and feel their skin on yours for the very first time. ⠀