Walking into the unknown

I never thought I would be the type of mum that I am. I worried that I wouldn’t give my child enough, that I was ill-equipped and that my career would remain the biggest threat to my overall life balance.

When we conceived I hoped for 9 long months that I would be the mum I am. The mum who prioritises her child above all else, the mum who can be at home for long periods and not worry about making the money I used to, the maternal mum.

As my tummy grew, so did my fear of the unknown about the type of mum I would be. I worried that I would suffer post natal depression, I worried that I would constantly want more than changing nappies and planned what I would say to people if I went back to work early.

When my child arrived and I embarked on my motherhood journey, I was everything I thought I wouldn’t be. I naturally stepped into my new role. I knew how my child needed to be held, I knew when she wanted to cuddle and I knew each of her cries. There was no PND. There just was a greater appreciation for what really matters. I felt the deepest love imaginable and was exactly were I had wanted to be my whole life. It was grounding and beautiful.

As the months rolled by, I remained more than ever content with my new job as a mum. I loved being at home with my child in the four walls of messy chaos.

To this day, this is where I remain. A stay at home mum. I have started a business so I can work from home because I want to continue to have the best of both worlds. I never in a million years thought I would be this mum, but I am.

We never know how we will be when we become a mother. Some will struggle being at home all the time, others will want nothing more than to spend every moment of every day with their child. It is not right to judge those who return to work or those who stay home. Everyone’s motherhood journey is different, and this is happily mine.