Lockdown mind

A snap shot of my mind right now...

Where has my bum gone?

I’d love to smile bigger at the moment.

He’s getting so heavy. And big. And grown up. I’m happy and sad about that.

I’m not wearing a cropped t-shirt, although it looks like it. I used to wear cropped things in my 20’s. That’s years ago now. How am I in my 30’s already? Time goes too fast.

I can’t dance. But I like dancing with my children in the kitchen. I do so many things I didn’t used to do because I care so much less about what people think since having them.

What day is it?

I need a haircut. I think. But I also want to grow it out. I’m so indecisive these days. Perhaps it’s the sleep deprivation. Actually it’s always sleep deprivation. Everything is always worse when you’re tired.

I’m grateful for so much right now. But it’s hard. It’s always hard. But it’s harder right now. I wonder when we will be able to see people again. That will make it easier.

I need to shave my legs. I said this last week. But here we are.

My toddler is experimenting with style. Yesterday she wore flannelette pyjamas on top of her togs, with gumboots and my full brim sun hat (inside and outside) most of the day. She was so happy. The world needs more of that right now.

I haven’t done any exercise for a few days. I need to. And I need to eat better. I’ll start back up tomorrow. Now where did I hide the chocolate?

The world is heavy. I’m so worried for my children. Will they be ok? Will the world be ok? I just want everything to be ok.

We need more cat food.

I should do some sensory play and crafts with the kids. What’s my excuse? We can’t go anywhere.

When will we return to normal?

Is this our new normal?

What will normal look like after this?

What even is normal?

I need to stop overthinking things.

It doesn’t help.

It’s such a waste of energy.

And a waste of time.

*Continues to overthink things.

I’m tired.

I love my kids.

What would I do without them?

I need a break.

But I can’t have a break.

And I also can’t fix the world’s problems.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

Take it one day at a time.

What day even is it?