Love language

As I opened the door after a weekend away, my heart warmed. The floors were vacuumed, the bench was wiped and the toys were put away.⠀

It was a beautiful sight, but it’s more than that, so much more. ⠀

I didn’t ask him to do it, he just did it.⠀

It’s not always like this (trust me) but when it is, it’s like a romantic gesture of sorts (without the romance). ⠀

Since becoming a mum, this is what gives me the butterflies and warm heart.⠀

For me, it’s not about roses, chocolates or romantic dinners, it’s about having the washing folded, the lawns mown or the dishwasher emptied when I least expect.⠀

It’s not about being taken away for long weekends, it’s about him taking her for a while so I can catch up on sleep, with the house, with work, with myself. ⠀

It’s not about being told I look great in a dress or shoes or makeup, but being told I am doing a good job at being mum.⠀

Because that’s what I appreciate most now.⠀

Flowers and chocolates are nice, of course they are, but flowers and chocolates do not help me day to day, give me a rest, or a slightly shortened to do list. ⠀

Weekends away are amazing, but they do not help the work emails, the sleep, the state of the house. ⠀

Being told I look nice is flattering, but that is not what matters most to me right now. What matters is her, the happiness of our family as a whole, surviving. ⠀

Some may think this is lowering expectations. “He should do that for you anyway”, “you should still have time for you”, “you should still get the flowers and the chocolates, the weekends away”. ⠀

But for me it’s not about lowering expectations. He still does these things (sometimes), we still do these things (sometimes), it’s just our expectations have changing because the context has.⠀

From just the two of us to us as a family.⠀

From just the husband and wife to the mum and dad. ⠀

And our values have been amended too, naturally.⠀

It’s always been about recognising what we both appreciate and giving that, it’s just that now what we appreciate is a little different. For me, it’s the things that make me feel seen, heard and appreciated in the current chapter of motherhood that’s what matters most.

That’s the new love language.