Is it bedtime yet?

“Is it bedtime yet?” and “when are you home?” are questions I often ask this pregnancy, my first pregnancy as a mum to a toddler.⠀

I haven’t had a bad pregnancy, but even so, some days dealing with the big emotions of a little person, while hormones serve you (an ever growing bigger person) with your own can seem like the perfect storm.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

You want to start out every day well, but it takes something as small as a wrong coloured cup or a missing teddy to steer the ship into unsettled waters. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

Some days, you have enough energy to navigate through it and source the right cup or to find the teddy. Crisis averted and back into calm oceans you go. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

Other days, your hormones are sharp, your energy edgy and your patience blunt. You can wake up feeling sick, or tired, or both.

Something as small as an unmade bed or a missing sock can steer the ship into what only can be described as internal torrential conditions.

It can feel like big emotions crashing into you, while you try to harbour your own inside in the remaining room which gets smaller as the little one within gets bigger.

You try to remain calm with patience that is worn, energetic with the energy that is depleted and thriving when all you can muster is surviving. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

“You’re home”. ⠀⠀
Relief.⠀⠀
“It’s bedtime”. ⠀⠀
Relief.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

That’s how it goes some days at the moment but don’t worry,⠀⠀
I know that being a mum is a privilege. ⠀⠀
I know that being pregnant is a privilege. ⠀⠀
I know it’s all worth it.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

I love being a mother.⠀⠀
I mostly love being pregnant. ⠀⠀
I love my first child and my yet to be born child.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

I am beyond grateful.⠀⠀
I do not take motherhood for granted.⠀⠀
I do not take my pregnancies for granted. ⠀

*Insert further standard motherhood disclaimers that we all seem to feel the need to include when talking about hard motherhood related things*⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

It’s just that I also now know that pregnancy with a toddler can be hard work and we should be able to freely talk about hard things.⠀⠀ After all, we can do and do do hard things every day for the very reasons we feel the need to claim.