Patience is a virtue

Patience. It’s a virtue because it’s seen as important and valuable. I agree it’s deserving of the title. However, I don’t agree that I should be one of those unfortunate people of whom it is not naturally bestowed.

I now have some patience, but I used to have none. The little I have now is exerted on my child. When she poos in her nappy right after I have changed her, it’s salvageable. When she takes half an hour to eat a piece of bread I’m reasonably relaxed. Thank god for maternal intuition.

As soon as the activity or situation falls outside of the maternal realm, impatience returns with a vengeance.

When putting the car seat in on very little time but with guaranteed difficulty due to excessive clips and straps, the seat sometimes becomes the victim to aggressive pushes and swear words.

When I’m at the back of a line, I often huff and roll my eyes in the most obvious of fashions.

When I am stuck in traffic I suffer severe road rage, despite it normally being no other road user’s problem. Hand gestures are my finest quality.

So there is the funny side. The insensitive topics that I openly can acknowledge and laugh about.

But there are the sensitive topics too. The topics you can’t see the funny side of just yet but hope that one day you will. This is my not so funny side of my problem with patience.

The aftermath of my miscarriage has not been what I expected. I anticipated my body bouncing right back like it always has. It hasn’t been like that at all.

No one tells you about the agonising wait for your hormone levels to drop back down to normal. With each new week there is another blood test and a hope that you will get a negative pregnancy test. It’s a interesting concept to comprehend but those who have been through it will understand.

My lack of patience has made for quite the struggle. Although I have maintained a reasonably positive outlook, I have been frustrated by the wait.

It’s not like it was before. I have absolutely no control over the external factors. I just have to wait. Wait for things to progress,wait for this chapter to finally be over.

It has been a challenging time for me but the lesson is a good one. Sometimes things have to unfold in their own time. We need to let go and allow nature to take its course. We need to slow down and trust the process. We need to make room for patience for those things completely out of our control.

There is a lesson in everything and what a poignant lesson this one has been.