SAHM - Day in the life

Being a SAHM is hard.

People often think it’s the easier option.

But there’s no easier option when it comes to mothering.

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I have a toddler and a baby, less than two years apart. They’re home with me every day, save for a few hours on a Wednesday when my daughter goes to kindy. We don’t have family where we live. I have a business I run whenever I can to keep feeling like I haven’t lost myself completely. My husband has a job which requires a lot from him. I ask a lot of him too.

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And this is largely our choice. I get that. I also get that we are in a position of privilege to have this choice at all. But we can talk about all consequences of choices and privileges, including the hard parts.

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It can be a lot sometimes.

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We do every single thing together. And it’s incredibly special. But it often leaves me feeling easily irritable, overstimulated, and like I need a break.

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But the breaks don’t come much. My baby doesn’t sleep through the night yet. There’s not enough time between when they go to bed and when I do, to do something substantive for myself. And when I do, it feels like it’s always cut short, or not enough.

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Some days, like today, I have been cried at since 6.00am. I’ve called my husband to vent. And then I’ve told him he “just doesn’t understand”. Perhaps he does. He tries so hard to. But it feels like I’m the only one who truly understands my own feelings on these days.

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I’ve tried putting them both down for naps. But something about today just isn’t in my favour. And I can’t handle the crying from both rooms. I’m so torn. So I give in. But the crying doesn’t stop.

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I’m also so easily triggered today. I’m constantly reminded by how much is out of my control. When I walk by the state of the crumbs on the carpet for the tenth time, I feel an inner rage. Yesterday it didn’t bother me.

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So I’ve taken them for a drive, and finally after an hour they’re both asleep.

I don’t have the radio going. I just need silence to hear myself think. This is my break today.

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I repeat: Being a SAHM is not the easier option.

It can be incredibly tough,

Just like every other version of motherhood.

Solidarity.

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